Now, it's time for Memoir Monday, sponsored by our one and only TravyG over at I Like to Fish.
The year is 1999, and there is mass hysteria and anticipation for the ball to drop. Obviously the world is ending and all computers are going to stop working and production of all the computerized manufactured products are going to cease working and OMG! the world is going to blow up (No worries though, all the important shit is made in China by people and they don't have computer chips, yet.). Everybody remember that? Probably the biggest let down since the first sexual experience of your life right??
So for the big New Year's Bash and the turn of the century, my girlfriend, her ex-husband and I went out on the town. We decided to go to The Landing in Jacksonville. It is right on the St. John's River and where we were promised THE best fireworks show in the history of the world. O.K. Not the history of the world, but certainly the history of Jacksonville.
After shuffling through all the people packed into The Landing we decide to walk across the Main Street Bridge and head over to River City Brewery. They have a cool balcony and deck where we can find the primo spot to watch THE fireworks show! As the night gets closer and closer to the big moment, by bladder seems to be getting fuller and fuller. Did I mention how many people there were? Did I mention it was supposed to be THE Fireworks Display to end all fireworks displays?
So it's like 20 minutes till THE big show and well, I gotta go. There is no holding it. I squeeze my way through the sardine sea of people and make it to the LLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNE.
OMG! The line is definitely like 45 minutes long. Literally. If I stand in this line I will miss THE fireworks. Shit. Double Shit! I lament with a couple of the girls. We watch the men's line moving like greased lightning. The wait is maybe 5 minutes. Some of the girl's say that they wish they were ballsy enough to use the men's room. SCHREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH! Ballsy chic? Check!
Step to the left. That's me! I get in the men's line. Fuck it! I am not missing THE fireworks display to end all fireworks displays. I should probably tell you, I am like the biggest freak about fireworks on the planet. We do them at home now, and I spend a RIDICULOUS amount of money on fireworks. Seriously, it's a problem. I have a VIP card to Phantom and everything. Anyflush, standing in the men's line. The guy behind me hands me a $10 bill. He says give this to the attendant at the door and don't let him give you any shit! I get to the door. The attendant looks at me up and down. Raises an eyebrow. I show him my recently acquired cash. He holds out his white gloved hand. I hand over the bill. YEAH! No problems. I take the one open stall. I hear many of the guys belly aching about a chic in the bathroom while they are at the urinals. I'm guessing those are the guys worried about the size of the itty bitties, I could care less. I just peed!
I hurry out. Wash my hands, obviously there is no line for that. Men's room. I just want to say, it's totally gross that you guys don't wash your hands, but that is another story all together. I high five the guy who gave me the cut in line and the $10. I smile and wave at the dumbasses still standing in the ladies line who thought I wouldn't dare be THAT ballsy.
I squeezed my way back to the top of the balcony. That was a feat let me tell you. People were pissed giving me dirty looks, shoving me back. Look, I just peed in the men's room. You are so not keeping me down! I made it back to my friends. I had 2 minutes to spare. Sheeeeesh! I SAW THE FIREWORKS SHOW! Woot!
Well, that's how I rang in the 21st century! How bout you? Any crazy New Year's stories?
Have a lovely and very Merry Christmas if you are gone the rest of the week my sweets!!!